Not just head lice responsible for school refusal.
All too frequently we get messages saying that children
don’t want to go to school because they have been teased
about having head lice, even that the school staff have
made children feel bad about this very common condition.
We do our best to help solve the head lice problem quickly
and permanently however we realise that we are not experts
in child behaviour and that this anxiety about head lice may
be something that needs expert help.
A friend of ours thankfully specialises in helping children
with this sort of problem and opened out eyes as to the vast
number of reason why children sometimes just don’t want to
go to school. He has kindly provided us with this article on
the subject
School Refusal, by Dr. Noel Swanson
A reader writes:
“How do I get my nine-year-old daughter to school? She seems
to have tummy aches or headaches constantly, and misses
several days of school each week. Any suggestion that she
must go and she screams and cries and seems to be genuinely
afraid of going to school. What can we do?”
Situations like this require a firm hand. Do not be tempted
to wait and hope that she will eventually go to school by
herself. If left too long, she may never go back (seriously,
it can happen!).
At the same time, recognise that her anxiety and distress
are genuine. Getting angry at her will not work.
Try to work out if her fear is about going to school (school
phobia), leaving you or home (separation anxiety), or going
into crowded public places (agoraphobia).
If it might be the first, check if she is being bullied,
teased, embarrassed, or abused at, or on the way to, school.
Work closely with the teachers to identify and deal with any
problematic situations.
Take her to the doctor for a complete physical examination.
Tell the doctor the whole story and ask him to rule out any
serious illnesses.
Once the doctor has done this, believe him! Do not chase
after ever more expensive tests. From this point onwards
your assumption is that the child is well and so should be
in school. Give her firm and confident reassurance that both
she and you will be fine when she is there. If she complains
again of being unwell you then have two options:
The first is that you insist that she go to school unless
there is clear, measurable, evidence that she is sick, for
example having a temperature, obvious diarrhoea and
vomiting, etc. Just “feeling unwell” is not enough to miss
school, after all, many adults have to go to work with
headaches or other symptoms.
The second option is to “believe” her. Since she says she is
too unwell to go to school, then clearly she is too unwell
to be up and about the house. If she is sick then she is
sick, and so she goes to bed: lights off, curtains closed,
no TV, no special snacks. Ignore her and go about your
normal daily routine. Make sure that the option of staying
home is boring. If she is not sleeping then, ideally she
should be doing some school work. Certainly there should be
no friends or visitors to entertain her.
Along with this, set up clear incentives (rewards,
privileges) for getting to school.
You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of
this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but do
not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for her
to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once there, and
she discovers that nothing does happen to her or to you
while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety
should rapidly resolve.
If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a
serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional
help through your family doctor.
But please, don’t just hope it will go away on its own. You
need to take some decisive action.
Dr. Noel Swanson, Consultant Child Psychiatrist and author
of “The GOOD CHILD Guide”, specializes in children’s
behavioural difficulties and writes a free newsletter for
parents. He can be contacted through his website:
Good-child-guide.com